Thursday, 21 April 2016

BT, Ping and Tech Support!!!!!

Good morning interweb, a very sunny one it is as well although the clouds in mission control are very stormy.
I have just got off a 3 hour session with BT tech support, they couldn't support my left testicle if they tried as a team. Bunch of script monkeys with tick boxes.

You see I have for the past week been having a few issues with my online gaming, One minute I am kicking ass and taking names and the next I cannot hit the side of a barn.
So after taking the advice of Zennon jedi network master I ran a little bit of software called ping plotter. It is free to download and try for 14 days to help identify network problems etc.
To get any really useful data from it you need to just let the thing run and look at the data after several hours on several occasions.
Well I went to work and let it run for 8 hours on an evening with only my PC using the interweb.
At peak time I got my usual flat line 15 MS of ping great connection but around 21.00 hours onwards I was getting massive spikes that lasted for a minute of two. When I say massive I mean a sudden increase up to 2000 MS ping.

This is not conducive to a great FPS experience and so I thought I would take some screen captures and contact BT support when they started at 08.00hrs.
And so began my ordeal.
08.00hrs, I call BT support and am connected to an Indian sounding lady. She explained that I needed to do a line check which I had already done. She then explained that as I was having a problem with my speed she would need to do a few checks.
I explained I was not having an issue with my speed I was having an issue with ping spikes and 50%-100% packet loss.
She ran the test. My phone line crackled and clicked for a good 4 to 5 minutes before it went dead and I got a dialing tone.
This was not looking good so I went to make a cup of tea and gave her the chance to call me back which she didn't.

08.16hrs, I call back and have to give all my personal information again to the new Indian sounding lady and explain the issue I have been having.
She explains that as I am having a problem with my speeds she will need to run some tests, I patiently explain that I am not having problems with my speeds that I am getting big ping spikes and packet loss.
The lady runs the test anyway and after a couple of minutes asks if my internet is dropping out.
I again explain that my internet is not dropping out that I am experiencing large ping spikes and packet loss.
08.31hrs, I am again placed on hold for about 5 minutes and told that they were experiencing technical issues and I would be called back within 40 minutes.
09.11hrs rolls around and no contact so once again I call and can just hear call centre people talking in the background, after 2 minutes of this with nobody to speak to I try again and speak to another Indian lady who is tries to contact the lady I was speaking to before, I explained that she didn't know her arse from her elbow and could I please be put through to level 2 technical support as I was getting nowhere.
She agreed and put me through.
My call was now in a que and would be answered shortly.
09.34 still in a que, 09.46 still in a que,

09.48hrs, I get through to Technical support level 2 or so I thought. After giving my name address account number again I explained the problem.
The lady said that if my speeds were low they could run a test.
No shit Sherlock, We have been there before I believe and I ask what part of I am getting large ping spikes and packet loss is she having a problem understanding.
She explains that her department do not deal with things like that as they only deal with E-mail problems. What the Fuck!!!!!!
She could put me through to the department that deals with my problem and gave me the same number I had initially dialled at 08.00hrs.
I explained that they were of no help at all and so she put me through to what seemed to be an English based call centre.
An English sounding chap then ran me through all the security questions again and after I had explained to him that I was getting large ping spikes and packet loss and I could send him screen grabs of the data he asked what my speed was and could I run a speed test. FFS.
I duly ran the test and explained that the issue wasn't present at all times and after putting me on hold for 10 minutes came back and said that I need to run the test when the issue arises and let them know the results of the speed test.
I again patiently explained that by the time the issue arises in game and I have tried to run the speed test the issue has resolved itself as the test can take up to 2 minutes.
On hold again, He returned eventually to tell me that their technicians cannot do anything unless I give them the results of the speed test,
I explained that he ought to get a manager or next level person for me to speak to.
He tried to tell me that it was probably my PS4 causing the problem as they are apparently notorious for this issue.
I asked him how that could be when my PS4 was not even switched on when the problems were occurring.
He went to get a manager.
Said manager got on the phone and explained that she didn't really know much about my issue and was not even aware of what ping and latency was but would be escalating my issue to another department.
I wait with baited breath.
3 hours I will never get back.

And so internet let me leave you with these pearls of wisdom,
If you want help for an issue with BT broadband do not call bt broadband support because BT broadband support are about as much use as a fucking chocolate fireguard.


Tuesday, 5 April 2016

Energy, Suitcases and Lemons!!!

Good afternoon interweb, and a windy one it is to at Bagsta Towers.
I was just having my afternoon siesta when the phone rang and an Irish chap on the other end mentioned something about energy and bills blah blah blah.
I politely told him that I was not interested in what he had to say or sell and bid him goodbye,
He insisted that he wasn't trying to sell me anything and was just wondering when my current energy suppliers contract was up.
I informed him that this was very hard to actually get an exact date as I am not quite sure when my current energy supplier is going to die.
At this point the phone went silent for a moment but then the chap pressed further, Who is your current energy supplier? he enquired.
Photon, I replied.
Photon he replied in a slightly unsure tone,
Yes Photon, he's a hamster. We hooked his wheel up to the mains box and boy can he go when you put a pic of a pretty female hamster in front of him.
 You have just been wasting my time haven't you he said.
Yes, annoying isn't it I replied and hung up the phone.
These people really get me going calling at the most inappropriate times as well.
Complaining about such things in general I have found never really does you much good but I have recently just had a top result from complaining in a polite manner.
You may remember the fun we had with Vipers suitcase (again) on our last trip to the Maldives.
Well I had a spare few minutes on my hands and so wrote to Emirates customer complaints department explaining the issues.
I had a very pleasant reply apologising etc etc and as a gesture of goodwill as we are Emirates Skywards customers they credited mine and Vipers account with 10000 miles each. That is a net result  of around $800. Result.
Vipers new suitcase arrived this morning and my eyes have only just become accustomed to normal vision again.

Don't think that will get confused fora case belonging to anybody else.  She has been wheeling it around like a new toy asking if I want a go????
In other news, This week on the 9th of April 2003 American Forces rolled into Baghdad and toppled the monument of Soddin Insane. Despite my advancing years I still remember watching the whole story unfold on the news channels.
They draped the statue in the Stars and Stripes like a conquering invader more than a liberating force but I can forgive them for their exuberance and the flag was quickly taken down before a noose was placed over the head of the statue and it was torn to the ground.
In gaming news a new update is due out tomorrow for the PS4 which will enable users to do lots of new cool stuff including appearing offline.
The Black Ops 3 servers were a massive pile of shite last night and I gave up after about an hour with only one positive game.
The next Call of Duty has been rumoured to take place in space.
A small part of Call of Duty Ghosts was played out in space but never any MP levels and I for one hope the rumour is false.

The main player base of the game I believe is and has been crying out for boots on the ground action with no wall running or boosting all over the bloody map. I would place money on a large percentage of the player base even been happy to return to a WW2 based game.
Anyway Interweb it is probably time I bid you farewell for today as I feel another nap coming on and so I will leave you with these thoughts,
 "I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party."
and "No matter how hard you try to teach your Hamster general relativity, you're going to fail." However they are very good at generating electricity.
Peace out Yall, THE BAGSTAXXX