Sunday, 29 April 2012

People, time and carpet!!!

Good afternoon interweb, and you guessed correctly it is pissing it down and blowing a gale which has stalled the window installation at chateau bagsta.
You know over the days, weeks, months and years I have had to suffer all kinds of irritable people, much as they have had to suffer me really and it has taken me all this time to realise it but realise it I have, “some people just come out of the factory broken”, it’s not necessarily their fault, they can’t help it. There morals and values are different.
I should  just let them get on with their existence whilst I move forward with mine which brings me round to thinking again, days, weeks, months, years and moving forward are all to do with time.
Time, this exact moment as my fingers hit the keys as my mind wonders is the only real thing, real moment we know for sure.
Like a light illuminating a frame on a film reel I often wonder if we can rewind or fast forward the film.
What exactly is time? Time is the indefinite continued progress of existence and events that occur in apparently irreversible succession from the past through the present to the future.
Another view of time holds that time is neither an event nor a thing, and thus is not itself measurable nor can it be travelled.
Ray Cummings rather cleverly once wrote that "Time... is what keeps everything from happening at once"
Oh dear, I appear to be rambling again, sorry interweb. In other news the clan ops last night was a success with a gold badge and coming in 159 out of 32171, I didn’t really help much having drank half a box of wine turning up late with my light machine gun and running around like a headless chicken but hey, that’s what people have come to expect of me and who am I to let them down?
Leave has been approved for our next trip to the Indian ocean to search for Manta Rays again, after some research I have found that the giant manta (Manta birostris) has been seen in the waters off the coast of the island we will be staying at. How cool would that be to swim with one of them bad boys, The largest recorded oceanic manta specimen was more than 7.6 metres (25 ft) across, with a weight of about 2,400 kilogrammes (5,300 lb)
Right then interweb I have rambled on enough for one day so here is some drivel, the art of being a smart arse is to keep the people who hate me away from those who are still undecided, and it's easier to put on a comfortable pair of shoes or slippers than it is to carpet the whole world.
Peace out yall, THE BAGSTAXXX

Saturday, 28 April 2012

Windows, Manipulation and inanimate objects!!!

Good afternoon interweb, It isn’t raining at the moment which is a bloody miracle. It has forecast lots of rain and gale force winds for tomorrow however which may well put the installation of the double glazing on hold. So far so good with the ones that have already gone in and only 1 broken tile and 1 broken mug.
I have over the last year been studying the human mind and many of it’s components as you may well remember interweb.
I have in particular been studying the conscious and unconscious mind and the manner in which it can be manipulated. I find it fascinating but if you don’t please switch off now.
I am not sure if you are aware of the fact that instead of the simplistic five senses of Aristotle, sight, hearing, taste, touch, and smell,  there are at least thirty-seven known, differentiated sensory inputs into the brain. All of the information picked by these senses is sent to the brain and absorbed by the subconsciousness, however, only very concrete and relevant data is passed to the conscious mind after it has been processed and reduced. All the rest remains ignored.
A good example of this is the Party Effect : You can talk with a friend in a crowded party and still listen and understand what he says even if the place is very noisy.
You can simultaneously ignore what another nearby person is saying, but if someone over the other side of the room suddenly mentions your name, you notice that sound and respond to it immediately.
Not only that your name immediately triggers your attention, you usually are aware of the entire sentence it has come in.
From this experience we can learn that our brain records everything that takes place around us.
 Interesting that certain words like SEX, BLOOD, DEATH, FUCK and such have the same effect in triggering your attention as your name.
So, only the information considered as "relevant" goes to the consciousness. Non essential information, short or vague stimuli are stored in the subconscious without reaching our awareness.
Important to stress that they are NOT discarded, but stored EVERYTHING you have ever experienced in your life, from every stranger's face you have ever glanced at in a crowd to every spider web you gazed at as a child, can be retrieved from your memory by hypnosis or by electrical stimulation of the brain cells in temporal lobes. Hence whatever was subliminally put into your brain will stay there forever and in the right circumstances will trigger the right reaction in you.
 That is not being said that subliminal messages determine your reaction in an inexorable manner. The accepted opinion is that subliminal messages rather strengthen, accelerate and reinforce reactions in persons who are ALREADY PREDISPOSED to the subject of the message. But I guess you  can't be sure.

Now if that wasn’t drivel enough here is some more, The greatest mystery is not that we have been flung at random between the profusion of matter and of the stars, but that within this prison we can draw from ourselves images powerful enough to deny our nothingness, and inanimate objects are classified scientifically into three major categories - those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
Peace out yall, THE BAGSTAXXX

Friday, 27 April 2012

Windows, 13 and diplomacy!!!

Good afternoon interweb, my foot still hurts, a lot. This makes me even grumpier than normal and so when the double glazing arrived at 08.30 hours this morning I was not in the best frame of mind. 
The fitters arrive tomorrow morning and they better get a move on as Sunday the forecast is for torrential rain and gales and where we live on mount High Storrs (S11 darling) we get the full force of any inclement weather.
The jeep has started throwing error codes at me intermittently and to read them without an obd2 code reader you have to open the door and sit in the car, do not close the door which is very annoying because you get a constant beep to inform you the door isn’t shut. Next you have to turn the ignition key to the start position (but not actually start the car) and then back to the off position 3 times. On the fourth time you leave it in the on position and it cycles through the error codes. Nowhere in the manual does it tell you this but it’s cheaper than paying £30.00 plus that a garage would charge
. A quick google of the codes informed me that the Accelerator position sensor voltage was too high. Great.
This bad luck has had me thinking about the number 13. Why do we consider 13 as an unlucky number? Well in Europe it is considered unlucky due to the last supper such to the point that in France a group calling themselves the fourteeners were formed and they would sit at home fully dressed for dinner between 17.00 hours and 21.00 hours all ready to step in if a dinner party was found to have 13 guests.
The number 13 was also very significant for the American founding fathers, there were originally 13 colonies and the US flag had thirteen stripes and 13 stars. Whenever a new state joined the union a new star was added but there are still only 13 stripes. If you look at a 1 dollar bill (of which I keep a lucky one in my wallet at all times for some reason) there are 13 levels on the all seeing eye pyramid Illuminati thing, 13 stripes on the flag, 13 letters in the motto “e pluribus unum”, 13 stars above the eagle, 13 leaves on the olive branch, 13 arrows held by the eagle and 13 bars on the shield. 

So now interweb I have brought the show to you with the number 42 and now the number 13 but I still maintain I'm a mad idiot.
And so we come to the drivel portion of today’s post, Human beings are perhaps never more frightening than when they are convinced beyond doubt that they are right.  Over my many years on planet earth I have not learnt to be very diplomatic but maybe that’s simply because my view of diplomacy is one of the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock.
Peace out y'all, THE BAGSTAXXX

Thursday, 26 April 2012

Foot, Shwopping and throwing sticks!!!

Good afternoon interweb. It isn’t actually a good one from my point of view as I have spent two hours in minor injuries nursing a busted foot.
Tendons etc all buggered up, foot gone purple and hurts like a thing that hurts a lot.
It is due to this fact that I have had to endure about 20 minutes of day time television. Some show with that bloke who used to do things with a gopher.
  Anyway the very lovely Joanna Lumley was on promoting the new charity Shwopping. Shwopping is the act of going to buy new clothes but also leaving for re-sale, recycle something old that you no longer want. I asked Fi if she fancied practising the art of shwopping as she does have quite a lot of clothes and she replied “I don’t think there will be a box big enough to leave you in”.
So now I have been injured and put in my place and am no further to finding the secretary that I so desire/require.
Right then interweb now to dispel a myth of what those boomerang things are / were used for.
Popular belief would have us believe that there use was for killing animals, or at the very least knocking them out. In actual fact if a boomerang hit a kangaroo on the head it would probably just piss it off somewhat.
You see the boomerang is designed so that it returns to the person who threw it.
What they were actually used for was to imitate birds of prey so as to drive game birds into nets hung from trees.
These throwing sticks are not exclusive to aboriginals either, one was found in the Polish Carpathians and has been dated to be 18,000 years old. The Egyptians and the Goths have also used throwing sticks in one form or another for pretty much the same purpose.
And so it is with a very sore foot I bring you today’s drivel, Somebody should tell us, right at the start of our lives, that we are dying. Then we might live life to the limit, every minute of every day. Do it! I say. Whatever you want to do, do it now! I have also discovered that forgiveness is one of the many horrible side effects of loving someone.

Peace out y'all, THE BAGSTAXXX

Wednesday, 25 April 2012

Rain, dead dolphins and psychiatrists!!!

Good afternoon interweb, my forecasting of the weather appears to be correct as it is currently still pissing it down out there and with no sign of letting up either.
Google has forecast that it will be raining for at least the next seven days which will make the job of putting our double glazing in fun.

In my quest to find a secretary I have been looking online, oh my oh my.
It would appear that if you do a google image  search for secretary (with safe search off) that many of them do not come with clothing other than the glasses which I did specify. I really can’t see my better half allowing that sort of thing. But if that’s what secretaries in this day and age wear who the hell am I to argue.
It also appears that they perform the act of fellatio as part of their job!!!!!! To coin a phrase from the youth of today, “WHATEVERRRRR”.
Right then, in other news from the other side of the world scientists in Peru are trying to solve a mystery as to why around 900 carcasses of bottle nosed dolphins have washed up on a 100 mile stretch of beach in a state of advanced decomposition.
Is it a coincidence that Houston based oil company BPZ may have been using underwater explosions in the name of oil exploration?
Gabriel Quijandria Peru’s environment minister seems to think that it is more likely a powerful virus of some kind.
However after examination of some of the animals it was found that they have broken bones in their ears and collapsed organs which would be consistent with sound wave damage. Some of the dolphins also had bubbles and blood in their sinuses which is consistent with rapid ascent due to panic resulting in the bends.
Changing tack slightly it has come to my attention that psychiatrists can sometimes be very annoying, what with their long dark hair falling down over their tight fitting red cashmere sweater accentuating natures gifts, tilting the head slightly whilst adjusting their glasses to my comment that I think everybody hates me. The reply don’t be silly everybody hasn’t met you yet was not quite the reply I was expecting but I do believe I have found my new secretary, but I’m not sure I can pay her the amount she will have become accustomed too in her current profession.
So here is some drivel, Whenever it is in any way possible, every boy and girl should choose as his or her life work some occupation which he should like to do anyhow, even if he did not need the money and over the years I have come to realise that confidence is 10% hard work and 90% delusion.

Peace out yall, THE BAGSTAXXX

Tuesday, 24 April 2012

Fuck it, 42 and Lewis Carroll!!!

Good afternoon interweb, surprisingly it is not raining. This makes me happy and smiley. In fact looking out of the window the sun actually appears to be trying to shine.
It is probably a good job that the sun is shining and it is making me smile because bugger all else is at the minute.
Sometimes as a race we need to be really bothered once in a while. How long is it since you were really bothered? About something important, about something real? I get bothered a lot, usually by imbeciles but sometimes by situations that you can try to change but after a while despite my best intentions the imbeciles win out and I think “fuck it”.
 And so it has come to pass that I have been thinking again, mostly about the number 42.
Douglas Adams referred to the number 42 in “the Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy” as been the answer to life the universe and everything.
I have been thinking about the number 42 because that is how long it would take you in minutes to fall through a hole in the Earth and come out the other side. This trip could not take place in the real world for a number of reasons, including the implausibility of building a tunnel 12,756 kilometres long, displacing all of the material in the tunnel's proposed path, and having the tunnel go through both the earth's molten outer core and its inner core, where the temperature is about 6,000 degrees!
Interestingly enough, for a tunnel that reaches from one point to another point on the earth's surface but does not pass through the centre of the planet, the travel time would still be about 42 minutes. The reason for this is that although the tunnel is shorter, the gravitational force along its path is also decreased as compared to that of a tunnel that goes through the centre of the planet, which means you would travel more slowly. Because the distance and the component of gravity decrease by the same factor, the travel time ends up being the same.
Some other interesting things about the number 42 are that if you type it into a facebook chat log with a colon before and after it thus :42: it will appear as white writing on a red box and it is the only number to do so.................................................
Right now I have you back from facebook I will continue,
Given 27 same-size cubes whose nominal values progress from 1 to 27, a 3×3×3 magic cube can be constructed such that every row, column, and corridor, and every diagonal passing through the centre, is composed of 3 cubes whose sum of values is 42.
42 is also the atomic number of molybdenum. and the angle in degrees for which a rainbow appears or the critical angle.
Microsoft's Windows 3.x logo has 42 little squares forming its left side trail.
Messier object M42, a magnitude 5.0 diffuse nebula in the constellation Orion, also known as the Orion Nebula
This seems to be turning into a sesame street episode brought to you by a mad idiot and the number 42 but anyway.
Lewis Carroll had a thing for the number 42 as well, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland has 42 illustrations.
Rule Forty-two in Alice's Adventures in Wonderland ("All persons more than a mile high to leave the court").The White Queen announces her age as "one hundred and one, five months and a day", which - if the best possible date is assumed for the action of Through the Looking-Glass - gives a total of 37,044 days. With the further assumption that both Queens were born on the same day their combined age becomes 74,088 days, which is 42 x 42 x 42.
There are 42 US gallons in a barrel of oil, the number of kilometres in a marathon and finally 42 is in the TIFF image file format, the second 16-bit word of every file is 42, which is used together with the first word to indicate byte order.
So there you have it 42.
Now here is some drivel, Read, every day, something no one else is reading. Think, every day, something no one else is thinking. Do, every day, something no one else would be silly enough to do. It is bad for the mind to be always part of unanimity and in the words of Lewis Carroll “If you don't know where you are going, any road will take you there.”
Peace out yall, THE BAGSTAXXX

Monday, 23 April 2012

Showers, immigration and secretaries!!!

Good morning interweb, although I fail to see what is so good about it.
It is currently pissing down outside and the forecast is for rain followed by showers and intermittent rain. Oh and some bloody claims company decided to text me to claim for the accident that I have not had waking me up. Happy fekking days.
Right then now down to the business of the day, first of all Happy St George’s day, Saint George's Day is the feast day of Saint George, celebrated by various Christian churches and by the several nations, kingdoms, countries, and cities of which he is the patron saint. St George's Day is celebrated on 23 April, the traditionally accepted date of Saint George's death in AD 303. Not quite sure we should be celebrating his death but were a weird species.
In other news Britain is about to suffer another massive wave of immigration heading our way as usual from across the channel because the French are useless.
Government officials have warned that  this latest wave could easily get a foothold and cause chaos across England Scotland and Wales and they have admitted that we have little hope of stopping this latest wave but they have adopted a different approach to this latest threat to our borders.
The relevant forces in charge of defence against this latest threat have been advised to “Kill on sight and fire at will!!!” poor Will.
The use of rifles and water cannons has been approved in the defence of the realm. Vespa velutina nigrithorax or the Asian Hornet can destroy a bee colony in less than two hours, and our bees have not been having a good time lately as it is.
 Instead of raping our benefits system these little blighters capture bees and then tear their heads off followed by the wings and legs then use the remainder to feed their young.
I have decided I want a secretary, there Ive said it. I don’t care how sexist that sounds either. I don’t want a bloody “PA” or a logistics person, I want a secretary. Blond or brunette late twenties or early thirties will do but she must also wear glasses.

A good secretary is a force to be reckoned with, I know I have had to deal with a few in my time and they are fiercely protective of their employer and will usually sort out any shite before a boss was even aware of it. When oh when did this green and pleasant land become so bloody politically correct to the point it is annoying and you suffer grief for the want of a secretary?.
Right then now I have all that off my chest....... here is some drivel, There comes a time in every man's life and I've had many of them, they have made me aware that  we cross our bridges when we come to them and burn them behind us, with nothing to show for our progress except a memory of the smell of smoke, and a presumption that once our eyes watered. I would also remind you that rogues are preferable to imbeciles because they sometimes take a rest.

Peace out yall, THE BAGSTAXXX

N.B. due to the fact that this blog post has been typed, and some people have had a sense of humour bypass please note that portions of this may have been written with my tongue firmly pressed into my cheek so keep your whiny arsed comments to yourself. If I had a secretary she would stop me from receiving them but alas I do not.

Sunday, 22 April 2012

Mining asteroids, pong and sunsets!!!

Good evening interweb, and a very strange one it is, black sky as far as the horizon on one side of chateaux bagsta whilst on the other glorious sunshine!!!!!.
I was working till midnight last night and up by 06.30 hours and down the gym, damned this self hypnosis stuff. My unconscious mind has decided to get me up at stupid o’clock in an attempt to make me healthier and whilst I’m still half asleep it drives me to the gym and before I know it I wake up on a bloody treadmill.
Right then, enough about nothing in particular, it has come to my attention that the giants of cyberspace Larry Page and Eric Shmidt, who created Google are now on track for a new kind of domination and this time it isn’t just cyberspace.
It is in fact actual space. I don’t mean that area of particles surrounding you but actual space out there in the universe.
To cut a long story very short they plan to mine asteroids. There are numerous other financially well stacked individuals that are also staking a claim early on in this venture and it does make me wonder if the Bavarian Illuminati actually do exist.
The plan involves using a robotic spaceship flying off to near Earth asteroids capturing them and then bringing them into an orbit around the Moon.
Does anybody else see the inherent dangers in such a thing or am I just paranoid by having watched too many disaster movies involving asteroids hitting earth.
If it works then the gains would be enormous with minerals and metals that could be mined to help in further space exploration but as I have said before I am a bit sceptical of such ventures.
Whilst on the subject of breakthrough things in general could we all please take a moment to remember the Telstar computer gaming system. “PONG”. The start of and forerunner to our Next Gen Consoles, PS3 Shitbox please fix me et al.
It was not long before this system led the way to arcade games such as pac man, space invaders, galaxians and asteroids. All very simple graphically but the start of a generation transfixed and hooked on gaming.

If it were not for these forerunners of the gaming industry we would not be able to experience the horrendous lag that is COD MW2 or Halo or GT5 in glorious 1080 HD resolution blowing the shit out of your mates or running them off the racing line with such spectacular effects.
And as if these wonderful forerunners were not enough 30 years to the day tomorrow will mark the birth of Clive Sinclaire’s ZX Spectrum which would allow anybody with the will to try to programme for the first time.
This would usually mean using the words run, edit, list and go to commands to make your name scroll down the screen ad infinitum.
Speaking of gaming I had a few clan matches with a new clan Friday night and some of the players are pretty damn awesome if I’m honest. We ended up 1523rd out of 29024 clans who took part and as Lou said “you really need to have a holiday”.
Well Lou was right, I do and hopefully by Thursday of this week we will have worked out if we can afford to join her and Jono in the Maldives for a bit of a reunion and hunt for Manta rays.
Right then interweb enough of my ramblings, here is some drivel,
Important days don't look like anything special when they start.
Invariably, the sunrises and people wake up.
Coffee is swilled and eggs are swallowed. Everybody goes about the business of acting like their lives matter and then, no matter how important the events of the day end up being, the sun invariably sets.
The sun rose before the soldiers stormed Omaha Beach on D-Day, and the sun set after Archduke Franz Ferdinand was killed.
The sun rose the morning the twin towers were felled and the sun set the same evening, Sunrises and sunsets are real jerks about putting things in perspective.

Peace out yall, THE BAGSTAXXX