Wednesday, 29 February 2012

Lunch, Salvador Dali and opinions!!!


Good afternoon interweb, I appear to be getting rid of my cold after only a couple of days which is always good. However I now have no excuse to not go to work so I shall shortly be making my way in the general direction of the hospital.
Had a very pleasant day yesterday and went out to Ladybower reservoir for lunch. It was all very nice really eating lunch and looking out over the water.
I have been wondering of late, yet again about whether or not we are alone? It is a staggering thought no matter which side you come down on really. Something the size of our universe and the thought that we are alone in it is simply staggering. If we are not alone that too is quite a thing to have to comprehend.
I was looking through some art works the other day and a few pieces by Salvador Dali caught my eye.
Now he was a nutter and I don’t just mean in his art work either. I think he suffered from what today we would call ADHD. 

A little known fact about him is that he worked on the original concept artwork for the Chuppa Chupps lollypop wrapper.
Born in 1904 he spent his early life trying his damnedest to really piss off his farther who was respectable lawyer. He would deliberately wet his bed till the age of eight and deposit shit all over the house.
He was to his parents a reincarnation of his dead brother who had died at the age of two, also called Salvador. A prodigiously gifted artist from an early age he managed to get himself thrown out of the art academy in Madrid for refusing to sit an oral exam explaining that he was infinitely more intelligent than the three professors who were examining him.
When his mother died his relationship with his farther declined even further till his farther finally physically threw him out of the house. He returned later and handed his farther a condom containing his own sperm saying “there, I owe you nothing”.
In 1929 he met Elena better known as Gala a violent Russian nymphomaniac who became his muse. She was married but this did not stop Dali setting his sights on her and after covering himself in a paste made of fish glue and cow dung he stuck an orange geranium behind his ear shaved his armpits and Gala fell for him. They remained together till she died in 1982. The relationship was never really consummated as Dali like Hans Christian Anderson was addicted to masturbation and tended to offer up the oversexed Gala to his friends.
His decent into his own self absorbed world was catalogued in many ways, he once sent a harp strung with barbed wire to Harpo Marx who in return sent a photograph of himself with bandaged fingers.
His last years were a tragedy, suffering from clinical depression and ravaged by Parkinson’s he took to his bed after Gala died.
Eventually he stopped talking, eating and drinking and died of heart failure at the age of 84.
Freud once called Dali a fanatic, which in psychological terms means someone who over compensates a secret doubt.
That pretty much sums up Salvador, however it could also apply to many other people, Leonardo, Anderson, Lovelace or even Freud himself.
 It is strange paradox that all these famous people had a relentless drive to succeed or be famous, they all had emotional and/or sexual hang-ups and failed to please either an absent farther or a disapproving one but their over compensation has brought about a world in which we have the Mona Lisa, Psychoanalysis, space travel and computers.
My word I have been rambling again haven't I interweb. Sorry.
Right then interweb it looks like it may be time for some drivel, so here you go, It is not advisable, to venture unsolicited opinions. You should spare yourself the embarrassing discovery of their exact value to your listener. And if that is not enough for you let me give you some advice, Do not keep on with a mockery of friendship after the substance is gone - but part, while you can part friends.  Bury the carcass of friendship:  it is not worth embalming.
Peace out y'all, THE BAGSTAXXX

Tuesday, 28 February 2012

Birthdays, toothpaste and cynicism!!!


Good morning interweb, Well another year has passed as I slip deftly into my 43rd year I cant help but feel a twinge of sadness. As Douglas Adams put it, “42, the answer to life the universe and everything” in the Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy. 42 is now gone and I am by all accounts a lot healthier if not substantially grumpier. On that last note I was thinking that the people who I actually give a rats ass about know full well I'm a grumpy old badger and simply ignore the fact dismissing any protestations I have about anything with simple phrases such as “would you like a drink?” or “yes dear, calm down”.
These people I call my friends and I would go to the ends of the earth for them.
There are not that many of them but that is probably my unconscious mind taking over as it is fully aware of the fact that one good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
It’s not even 10.00 hours yet and several people have already found the need to remind me that I am 43, and getting old.
 I do not need these people to remind me of the fact I'm 43, my aching body and weak bladder tell me often enough thank you.
I share my birthday with Aldo Andretti the twin of Mario the racing driver not the dodgy plumber. Also my birthday coincides with Charles Blondin’s birthday, he was the first man to ever walk above Niagara falls on a tight rope in 1824. Bloody idiot if you ask me. 

I proved to myself this morning that I really shouldn’t get up this early. I woke and ran excitedly down the stairs to turn on the PS3 to see if the new maps had arrived, they hadn’t but I was awake so my bladder reminded me I was old and needed the bathroom.
 Whilst there I decided to have a wash etc and clean my teeth. The Oral B pro toothpaste tube looks exactly the same as the tube of E45 cream sat on the ledge and without my glasses this could have gone one of two ways. Unfortunately for me it went the way of me attempting to brush my teeth with moisturising cream. I did stop at that point so saved myself the abject humiliation of rubbing toothpaste on my crumbling skin.
Benjamin Franklin once said “Believe none of what you hear and half of what you see.” I think the guy was onto something there you know. I would add to that as a fact that if all men knew what others say of them, there would not be four friends in the world. That maybe cynical of me but isn’t cynicism is an unpleasant way of telling the truth?
Anyway interweb I'm going to shamble this ageing carcass off for some breakfast but for my friends across the pond remember this, “A cut glass English accent can fool unsuspecting Americans into detecting a brilliance that isn't there” LOL;)
Peace out y'all, THE BAGSTAXXX

Monday, 27 February 2012

Sympathy, physics and snot!!!!


Good afternoon interweb, I now have full blown man flu.
Actually it is a cold but the annoying gits that insist on calling it man flu will not let it lie despite me informing them it is a cold it all falls on deaf ears.
 I have not asked for one bit of sympathy from anybody and it is doubtless that I should receive it if I did so I don’t bother. Which is why I find it very irritating when people usually of the female variety say “OHHHH have you got man flu?” They seem a little taken aback by my reply that “no I have not it is a cold so fuck off with your patronising remarks you useless waste of flesh”.
That aside as Im sure you can see interweb having a cold has not lessened my acidic tongue however I will refrain from overindulgence of this past time to attempt to bring to you a simplified version of the space time continuum. Sort of a physics lesson for people who don’t like physics.
Right then, here we go.
Space time continuum is a mathematical method/model that allows us to combine space and time into a single thing. This thing is explained by saying that space has three dimensions and that time is measured in the fourth dimension.
So now that we know that we have three dimensions of space and one dimension of time we can combine this information into a single “thing” which has allowed scientists to describe a much more uniform and simplistic way of how the universe works on both a sub atomic level and a super galactic level.
Where there is any substantial amount of matter hanging about in the universe this changes the geometry of spacetime, This change in geometry is what we call gravity.
looking at the picture the lines do not represent the curvature of space, but instead represent the coordinate system imposed on the curved spacetime which would be rectilinear(straight and uncurved) in a flat spacetime.

In classical mechanics, the use of spacetime over Euclidean space is optional, as time is independent of mechanical motion in three dimensions. In relativistic contexts, however, time cannot be separated from the three dimensions of space as it depends on an object's velocity relative to the speed of light.
Right then, im sure that that is clear as mud but you try explaining it.
Now then due to ill health I am cutting this blog post short due to explosions of snot flying around the office which will need to be cleaned up so I will leave you with this thought. Man is never lost, at worst he is locationally challenged.
Peace out Y'all, THE BAGSTAXXX

Sunday, 26 February 2012

Cold, doors and vegetarians!!!


Bollocks!!! Hello interweb, Ive woken up with a cold this morning, Ive had the sniffles and the starting symptoms for about a week trying to not get one but this morning I have a cold, did I say Bollocks?
I had one in Decemberish and it took over a bloody month to get rid of and now I have another one. Bollocks.
Work was busy last night and whilst I was zooming around the city most other people I know were watching the rugby in bars getting drunk.
I listened to the game on 5 live and it sounded a very good game to be honest. England by all accounts did themselves proud against a battle hardened seasoned Welsh side.
I was going to go online for a few games after work but couldn’t be arsed so I just watched some stand up comedy shows for a couple of hours.
I have come to the conclusion after many years of study that people are a bit weird. Some people laugh at science fiction yet blindly believe the weather forecast and economists, although the latter of those two I think will be finding it a lot harder finding anybody to believe them of late.
Whilst out with a doctor last night I was quite amazed that she genuinely was interested in my knowledge of the universe and after regaling her with facts about Betelgeuse (Betelgeuse) she actually asked me to point out where in the sky it was. Another human being actually interested in something that I had to say. I must confess to still been in shock as most people tend to get that glazed look in their eyes after about 20 seconds. Jupiter was very bright last night and almost lined up with the newish moon just after dark.
The doctor didn’t appear to be annoyed either by my questioning of why the fairer sex seem to lose all ability to close a door of any kind quietly after they have had children. Seriously, I have studied this phenomenon at work in the staff room.
Childless female walks into staff room to make a cuppa. Opens cupboard door, removes mug and tea bag, closes door makes tea. Removes tea bag from mug puts foot on pedal bin so lid opens, drops tea bag in bin and lowers lid without so much of a show.
Now in comparison we have the mothers, door flies open and dirty cups are flung into dish washer, draw is slammed shut and cupboard door opened. Mug and tea bag removed door is slammed shut and the after dropping tea bag into bin after use the pedal isn’t lightly raised, no the foot is cleanly removed from the pedal allowing the wrought iron lid to slam shut with an ear drum shattering clang of 130 decibels, I know this as I have a decibel metre on my iphone. That raises a whole world of more questions but we will leave that subject for another day.
The doctor was unable to answer my question as to why this occurs but later when she appeared in the staff room to make a drink did look at me as she closed the door ever so quietly and smiled as if seeking approval.
In other news I have a friend who has decided to become a vegetarian, I tried explaining that we have incisors for a reason but he would have none of it. Wait till he starts leaning towards the sun every time he stands still, that will show him.
Right then interweb I have only two more things to say to you today and they are, The world is round, it has no point and you must assert your right to make a few mistakes. If people can't accept your imperfections, that's their fault.

Peace out y'all, THE BAGSTAXXX

Saturday, 25 February 2012

Relationships, headphones and absurdity!!!


Good morning interweb, yes it is still morning as I type although it may well be afternoon by the time I finish.
Well that’s another week fought through and i am unscathed for the most part.
Work at the hospital later although zooming around in cars full of drugs with lights on top can hardly be called work.
Currently sat in office sipping coffee listening to Candy Dulfer, thinking about relationships for some obscure reason.
I sometimes envy single people and their ability to do exactly as they please without any come back but then I remember how horrifically unreasonable I can be and Fi lets me get away with it. Any normal sane person who is not in a relationship with me would probably have me shot or arrested for some of the insane and totally unreasonable things I do.
I have just bought a set of headphones for my ps3 gaming, Turtle Beach PX5’s weighing in at between £150.00 - £180.00 they do not come cheap. ( I have yet to inform Fi of the price as I'm being unreasonable about it so keep it quiet) 

They are however surround sound and probably the best ear candy to have ever graced my bonnet. The sound is truly outstanding from a gaming point of view and not only can you hear which direction gunfire etc is coming from you can tell how far away it is. The sound is so good you can actually tell what type of surface the rain is bouncing off, concrete, plastic or tin roof. You can hear people reloading guns if they are close enough and my iphone actually syncs to the blue tooth function. I was surprised by this as iphones don’t normally sync with anything. This means that not only can i blow the fuck out of stuff in ear shattering surround sound but I can also do it to the dulcet sounds of Metallica  etal and if need be I can answer the phone without ever having to leave the field of battle. I have found myself running around the game blowing up as many cars as I can just to hear the explosions so I must apologise to Bev and Maria for that as they have to suffer this childish behaviour more than most. Stuff is great!!
As regular readers are fully aware I do sometimes wonder about the universe and why and how it came into existence. Well today I am feeling rather lazy and so can only offer the proposal that like good luck or bad luck it is just one of those things that happens from time to time.
I have also discovered this week that there is nothing more absurd than aggressive stupidity and that absurdity itself is simply a statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with ones own opinion.
Right then interweb I will leave you today with a piece of advice I have used on more than one occasion an it never fails, “always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more.”
Peace out y'all, THE BAGSTAXXX