Friday, 28 December 2012

Cabin fever, Time and Homeless people!!!



Good afternoon interweb, it is yet another dull dreary day outside and so the cabin fever has lifted enough for me to be arsed to put fingers to keyboard. Not because I’m feeling any better but at least I’m not missing out on anything.
I’ve spent five and a half  weeks locked indoors now with only the occasional foray out into the real world and the voices have come back.
 Christmas has been and gone and this year I didn’t get a wallet, result. I have a collection of them I have so many.
Do people think I’m well off or something? People who know me know damn well I try my best to keep my wallet closed at all times so I could never wear one out necessitating the need for a new one.
However I did receive a rather nice mug and a watch which has a few clever tricks up it’s sleeve. The watch not the mug. The mug is a let us prey mug with a picture of a shark and the watch has codes for which country you are in, you set the code and it tells you what time it is where you are. Some sort of atomic clock type thing. I also have lots of sweets. Oh and the mug serves up a lovely cup of tea:)
The watch brings me round to the complex yet simple matter of Time.
The voices make me think a lot more than is good for a human and this usually ends up with my brain getting all tied up in some paradox or other.
Let us think for a moment about time and time travel which  I believe is possible but would mean we would need to conquer the speed of light first which I have discussed in depth on previous blog posts.
Time and the time paradox is quite a complex thing and there are many theories on the subject.
Is time physical? Surely if we can manipulate time then it must have some physical properties to manipulate in the first place.
Time travel does throw up some complex situations such as the time paradox.
A typical example of time paradox or temporal paradox would be the grandfather paradox, where a person goes back in time to kill his grandfather before he had any biological descendant. If they succeed, one of their parents would never exist and they themselves would never exist either. This would make it impossible for them to go back in time in the first place, making them unable to kill their grandfather, who would continue to produce offspring and restart the situation. But if they fail, their grandfather would be alive and produce offspring, one of whom would eventually conceive the time traveller and the whole scenario would start over.
You can see the problem. There is the time line protection idea that would stop the paradox occurring, for instance the time traveller would appear somewhere else, the gun would jam, anything to protect the time line from screwing up.
There is the multiple universe theory where a time traveller would end up in a parallel universe thus only affecting the time line in that universe and also the branching universe theory. Here the time traveller would cause time to branch at the point that the time travel occurred.
There is also the theory of “changes allowed without resolution to paradoxes. This is currently what I am leaning towards. It may be my cabin fever brain that is the cause of this but stick with me for a moment if you are still here.
Say the traveller went back in time and did something that would prevent his or her existence from coming to being. When the traveller returns to his or her own time to resume their time line all effects that they have had on that universe would be negated. It would be like they never existed. I think that this can actually be a reasonable explanation (well reasonable in my mind) for all the homeless people. Sure some are just too damn lazy to do anything about their situation but some don’t show up on any radar at all. No social security numbers or record of any kind can be found of their existence. It is my belief that these people are time travellers. So be nice to them and buy them a sandwich.
Now then interweb whilst we are on the subject of time here is some time related drivel, Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you and remember well that regret for wasted time is more wasted time.
Peace out yall, THE BAGSTAXXX

Sunday, 23 December 2012

Operations, Nurses and Cherry Blossom Cammo!!!



Good afternoon interweb, and a very windy one it is out of the office window.
Well Christmas is nearly upon us for another year and to be honest I am not really feeling particularly festive yet.
I think the main reason is my second visit to hospital for the recurrent disk decompression surgery. The first op went fine but the disk decided to splurge again for want of a better word.
I didn’t realise the problems associated with cutting open the same wound just four weeks later.
The second operation went fine but it was whilst in the recovery room things started to go south. As my eyes opened and I regained conciousness I was all too aware of pain in my back, excruciating pain, as in as if I had no anaesthetic at all.
It was at this point I began to scream in agony and my blood pressure went through the roof, All types of pain killers and other drugs were injected into me and you know things are wrong when you hear the anaesthetist say that they have given me enough pain killers to kill most people and can’t give anymore.
Over an hour later the pain had subsided enough to put me back in my room. So the surgeon, anaesthetist and four nurses escorted me back on my trolley. Over the next couple of hours the pain killers did kick in and I was off my tits singing to Emily my nurse, she particularly liked my rendition of “Jingle bells Jingle bells I want some more drugs” followed by arm flopping out of bed. 

   The staff were all amazing and wanted me to stay another day but I’d had enough and decided to go home but only after they had fed me a couple of more times.
This time I am proper broken, busted and in need of repair, I think it may take a while to come back from this one interweb and as I lay in bed having a whole new level of respect for people who have full time disabilities I was somewhat disgruntled to say the least to receive a call from work. Disgruntled may not be the right phrase but I was in no way gruntled ill tell you that for nothing.
They wanted to discuss my back to work plan and wondered if I minded if they posted out some forms for me to fill in for occupational health. Those of you who know me personally will I’m sure imagine the reaction, letters have been written.
In other news it’s that time of year when strictly and all the other dross on the telly comes to an end and Fi wanted to watch the strictly final and in my current state who was I to argue!!!!!!
All I can say is anybody who does the Charleston dance in 2012 needs shooting. Please just remove their genes from the pool. Have they any idea what complete and utter t###s they look?
That survived I decided to have a few games of Black ops and unlocked the Cherry Blossom camo for my rocket Launcher,

There is something very perverse about pulling out a rocket launcher and causing absolute chaos with it when it is painted like cherry blossom, I love it and will endeavour to take a photo of me raining death with it in the near future.
Another thing I have come to realise whilst spending far too much time thinking is that the phrase never argue with an inanimate object can take on a whole new meaning when discussing religion or politics which are basically the same thing. Some people actually become inanimate objects and no logic or reasoning will sway them from their steadfast “beliefs” however misguided. Even pointing out the contradictions in their own views will just be met with derision so I have decided to simply stop talking when these subjects are brought up in future, I feel it is best all round as I know what havoc I can wreak with a cherry blossom rocket launcher.
And so it comes to pass interweb that I will leave you today with some drivel,
There's an evolutionary imperative why we give a crap about our family and friends. And there's an evolutionary imperative why we don't give a crap about anybody else. If we loved all people indiscriminately, we couldn't function, and I have found over the years that if you do right, it will gratify some people and astonish the rest.,
Peace out yall and Merry Christmas HO HO HO! THE BAGSTAXXXX

Wednesday, 12 December 2012

Apple, Lube and Ice!!!



Good morning interweb,it looks bloody cold out there today. My black Jeep is very grey looking which means it is either coming out in sympathy for my ageing self or it’s covered in frost. I’m going with the latter as despite me arguing with lots of them lately it is an inanimate object.
Speaking of inanimate objects or just things in general that annoy you I have of late been getting very annoyed with some of them.
I am the only person who sits at the terminal of terror in my office and so when I click on “remember my details” Remember my fekking details you spanner, yes Facebook I’m talking to you. And you various forums that I visit to rant. And you Google.
Do you not think I’m bad tempered enough with the cabin fever that you have to arse around and remember me only some of the time? What did you do? Forget? Your a bloody computer programme you can’t forget, unless you have become self aware in which case we all have much bigger things to worry about. Ah sod it I’d just unplug you. 

The new bloody itunes layout is crap as well. Why cant they make stuff that just works. The new version refused to see my iphone so I googled for what the problem could be, that was after I had reminded Google of my password because it had forgotten it. The usual advice was written down by some spotty faced turd teenager, Turn it off and on again. Genius! Well this didn’t work but after 2 reboots opening and closing of programmes much swearing in the general direction of the terminal of terror and threatening to hurl the whole lot out of the f#####g window it just beeped and found it. What the hell was that all about, itunes FOUND my phone. It wasn’t f#####g lost you t###.
As the more astute of you have probably noticed I have cabin fever bad, and it is not improving my mood!!!! The pain in my right butt cheek and down my leg can only be likened to someone taking a red hot poker and shoving it up my ass wriggling it about a bit then pushing it down my leg. The fact that they did not use any lube, flavoured or otherwise actually makes my toes curl in involuntarily.
Not one but two consultants have consulted and decided that this isn’t right. I'm sure one of their son’s must work for apple writing the help line stuff for when itunes cant find your phone.
So appointments are to be made and consultations will take place which really means I will be talked at again. You never know, I may get to embarrass myself again singing Disney songs in a recovery room somewhere.
Right then enough of that, this ranting is making me feel so much better so the global warming lot can have some next. A few principles discussed, or more to the point me banging on about the errors of the logic of the majority.
THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A "HEAT TRAPPING GAS". A gas can become warmer by contact with something warmer or by infrared radiation shining on it or by pressure effects but it cannot trap anything. Air is a gas. Try trapping something with it. And if you do let me know so I can come and watch. 

They say (there they are again) that polar ice will melt and cause a big sea-level rise. Yet 91% of the world's glacial ice is in Antarctica, where the average temperature is around minus 40 degrees Celsius. The melting point of ice is zero degrees. So for the ice to melt on any scale the Antarctic temperature would need to rise by around 40 degrees, does anybody else see the flaw in this principle or am I really missing something. Maybe “they” work for apple too!!! The North Pole? Well that is mainly floating sea ice and melting sea ice does not raise sea levels. Or was Archimedes wrong? Have the catastrophic global warming greens simply overturned a 2500 year old basic principle of physics to make it fit in with their ideas? They could get a job at Apple!!!
Please don’t get me wrong interweb, yes there is a warming of the planet, there will be a cooling to, the planet does this. It has been doing it for several billion years. Get over it. You really are not that important that you and your electric car and your bag for life can change a planets destiny. If however you do think that you are  that important eat your dog, it has a bigger carbon footprint than my Jeep. Fact, live with it, or not if you eat it.
Right then interweb that feels better, so I will leave you cowering in the corner with some drivel, Many of us act as though comfort and luxury were the chief requirements of life, when all that we need to make us happy is something to be enthusiastic about, and don't think about risks to much,  just do what you want to do. If you gotta go, you gotta go.
Peace out yall, THE BAGSTAXXX

Monday, 10 December 2012

Secretary, blue rinse and a bloody ear!!!



Good morning interweb, a crisp clear winter day in store from the looks of things out of the window. My cabin fever is not abating much and I am trying to do things that I clearly am not able to yet and as a result end up in more pain.
The whole thing is very annoying if I’m honest.
This weekend I have tried some physiotherapy exercise that has left me feeling like I have been run over. Maybe I should have just stuck to what I was told to do;) lol Yeah like that’s ever going to happen.
 Granted with no gym at the minute I have had to get my ass mobile a bit more than just sitting around to try and release a few of those endolphin happy hormones etc.
Maybe I should just employ the services of a pretty old fashioned secretary with short skirt stocking and glasses to chase around, a bit like a Benny Hill sketch. Fun but I’d probably end up in traction knowing my luck.
In other news this weekend brought the very sad news that Patrick Moore had passed away. A true legend, he made the incomprehensible understandable with his enthusiasm and made very difficult subject matter easy to take in with the way that he presented it and I am sure he will be missed by many.
This weekend also showed us how a stupid prank can go tragically wrong with dreadful consequences. 2day FM radio DJ’s Mel Grieg and Michael Christian played a prank call on the nursing staff who were looking after Kate the Duchess of Cambridge.

The tragic results of which were that Jacintha Saldanhas a nurse, took her own life. Whilst I am sure that there was no malice involved in the prank and I know for a fact that other radio stations do similar things on a daily basis, maybe people should take a good long hard look at what is acceptable as humour. Is humiliating another person who is just trying to do their job really that amusing? Apparently the station tried on several occasions to contact the hospital and the people involved in the prank before airing the recording but having failed to do so, broadcast it anyway.
Whilst I’m also sure that all concerned do feel terrible about the whole tragedy I’m afraid they  will get no sympathy from my direction, and I hope they never get to work in the industry again.
Ouch, my knees are hurting now, damn cold weather. I really am getting old.
That said I’m at least getting a nerdy computer tan sat in front of this screen typing away, the blue tinge is receding almost as fast as my hairline. Maybe I should get a blue rinse.

 Maybe that is why elderly ladies get them, to stop their hairline receding. You know I could be onto something here. Oh gawd the cabin fever appears to be returning...... It is with this in mind that I will leave you interweb with some drivel, Realise deeply that the present moment is all you ever have, and there is no such thing as "fun for the whole family.” unless it involves guns.  I have found over the years that life is like playing with boomerangs, our thoughts, deeds and words return to us sooner or later, with astounding accuracy.
Ive just scratched my ear and now blood is pouring down the side of my face, dammnit, Well thats enough for one day, I think this grumpy badger is going to go back to bed and get up the otherside. lol
Peace out yall THE BAGSTAXXX

Tuesday, 4 December 2012

Incompetence, Boobs and Indifference!!!



Good afternoon interweb, its flipping cold again today. I think as I age I feel the effects of the cold weather more and more.
I am today mostly rolling my eyes at the incompetence of others....... Again. It doesn’t matter how many times you inform some people of something they still, month after month after month fail to get it through their thick skulls and continue to make the same mistakes time after time.
This kind of behaviour I would in my mellowing old age let slide, however when it comes to my money and me been a Yorkshire man etc etc 2 copper coins and wire jokes aside etc etc I will not let it slide. So once again I have had to take time out of my not very busy schedule if I’m honest to remonstrate AGAIN to this individual.
Cabin fever is not making my mood any more pleasant either.  I tried to cure my cabin fever yesterday by leaving the house. I had things to post and cash to be taken from the bank, the ATM machine I hasten to add.
So unable to drive yet I braved a call to mother, bless her the 9 psi in the rear tyres of her car was the first thing to be addressed. Mum is either an amazing judge of distance or the the luckiest person I know who drives around. The 2 mm gaps between cars as we raced about at warp speed certainly got my heart pumping and was very good cardio vascular exercise despite the sheer terror it also produced.
Walking to the ATM was pleasantly pain free although I am having to learn to walk without a limp which is a lot stranger than it sounds having ambled about for the last 8 months. It’s the standing that hurts so mother was dispatched to the post office to stand in the Que and post the parcels.
All done a quick 1 mile drive of terror that would make any ride at Alton Towers look like a spin in a tea cup and I was home again.
It was at this point that I realised that this whole recovery thing may take a while. Ive been thinking that ill be fine in a couple of weeks.
This is clearly not the case. Whilst I am not ill in the true sense of the word my abilities are severely restricted. I had to take to my bed for sleep and did so for around 3 hours. I got up and ate food and drank a mere 3 glasses of wine before heading for bed again where I slept a further 12 hours.
In other news as I was walking through the living room today past the TV which for some unknown reason was showing Loose Women, I caught a glimpse of Carol Vorderman. 

My goodness I swear to god she has had a boob job. Magnificent things sticking out in a red sweater.
The view quickly changed to a shot of one of the less pleasant “ladies” so I continued on to the office. Where I started thinking about how indifferent the universe is.
It isn’t particularly hostile but neither is it friendly. It doesn’t really care if all our theories about it are correct or spectacularly wrong it is just indifferent. I know a few people like that. No passion, for anything. They’re generally quite dull and not very sure of themselves or their beliefs. Bette Davis once said “I was thought to be 'stuck up.' I wasn't. I was just sure of myself. This is and always has been an unforgivable quality to the unsure.” She may have been onto something there. However despite the universes indifference it is not dull.
Well interweb it’s about time I had a siesta been as need them at the minute more than usual, this could prove a problem as my little Rottweiler is packing to go home to Ireland for a few days leaving me to play Black Ops 2 on the PS3 24/7. Or when I’m conscious at least. So I will leave you with the drivel for the day.
One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to do and always a clever thing to say and remember that any piece of clothing can be sexy with a quietly passionate woman inside it and desperate is not a sexual preference!!!!!
Peace out yall, THE BAGSTAXXX